| | Introduction | p. 1 |
| | The Art of "Retarded" Young Men | p. 5 |
| | The Art of Hopelessly Honest Fathers | p. 9 |
| | The Art of Monkeys | p. 13 |
| | The Art of Sticks | p. 15 |
| | The Art of Wielding a Hammer | p. 17 |
| | The Art of Heroes | p. 21 |
| | The Art of Lost Loves | p. 27 |
| | The Art of Queers | p. 33 |
| | The Art of Male Visitors | p. 37 |
| | The Art of Being a Bride | p. 43 |
| | The Art of Tornadoes | p. 57 |
| | The Art of Wallpapering | p. 67 |
| | The Art of Not Dying | p. 75 |
| | The Art of Making Love to an Unfortunate Man | p. 91 |
| | The Art of Champions | p. 95 |
| | The Art of Shagging Next-Door Neighbors | p. 107 |
| | The Art of Anal Sex | p. 117 |
| | The Art of Pain | p. 119 |
| | The Art of Closure | p. 131 |
| | The Art of Art | p. 141 |
| | The Art of Temptation | p. 149 |
| | The Art of Costars and Lunatic Directors | p. 159 |
| | The Art of Cheerful Men | p. 167 |
| | The Art of Alarm Clocks | p. 185 |
| | The Art of Transcending Love | p. 191 |
| | The Art of True Love | p. 209 |
| | The Art of Not Being a Cunt | p. 223 |
| | The Art of Maks | p. 231 |
| | The Art of Knights on White Horses | p. 239 |
| | The Art of Clubbing Men | p. 245 |
| | The Art of Men I Have Not Hit On | p. 253 |
| | The Art of Young Lovers | p. 263 |
| | Closing Notes | p. 279 |
| | Acknowledgments | p. 283 |