| | Preface | p. xiii |
| | "If You Break Your Leg, Don't Come Running to Me!" (Spring and Summer) | |
| | "Run between the raindrops-you won't get so wet!" | p. 3 |
| | "Stay away from the windows during a thunderstorm!" | p. 4 |
| | "Every day is Children's Day!" | p. 5 |
| | "No swimming for an hour after lunch-you'll cramp up!" | p. 6 |
| | "Remember, there's a chemical in the pool that turns pee blue-so we'll all know!" | p. 8 |
| | "You can still get sunburned on a cloudy day, you know!" | p. 9 |
| | "I don't care if we're indoors, I hear thunder. Out of the pool!" | p. 10 |
| | "Don't run around barefoot, you'll get worms!" | p. 11 |
| | "Was the nail you stepped on rusty? You'll get tetanus!" | p. 13 |
| | "Put On a Sweater, I'm Cold!" (Autumn and Winter) | |
| | "Don't touch your Halloween candy until we get it checked out!" | p. 17 |
| | "Close the damn door! Are you frying to heat the whole outdoors?" | p. 19 |
| | "Bundle up or you'll catch a cold!" | p. 21 |
| | "Put on a hat-most of your body heat escapes through your head!" | p. 23 |
| | "Don't eat snow-it'll make you sick!" | p. 24 |
| | "Stay away from the Christmas poinsettia! The leaves are poisonous." | p. 25 |
| | "Don't Make Me Get the Other Thermometer!" (Sickness unto Barf) | |
| | "Feed a cold, starve a fever!" | p. 29 |
| | "I'll bring you some chicken soup, you'll feel better!" | p. 30 |
| | "You know what's good for that? Castor oil!" | p. 31 |
| | "Don't hold in a sneeze, you'll hurt your ears!" | p. 33 |
| | "You're better off catching chicken pox now-go play with your sick cousin!" | p. 34 |
| | "Nope, nothing but soda! It'll settle your stomach." | p. 36 |
| | "Don't Pick at That!" (Bumps and Bruises) | |
| | "You need hydrogen peroxide on that!" | p. 41 |
| | "I'll blow on the cut, if II feel better!" | p. 42 |
| | Take off the Band-Aid and let the cut air out!" | p. 43 |
| | "Big kids don't cry!" | p. 44 |
| | "It might be a concussion-we need to make sure you don't fall asleep!" | p. 45 |
| | "If your nose is bleeding, don't lean your head back!" | p. 46 |
| | "When the scab itches, that means it's getting better!" | p. 47 |
| | "Don't you dare pop that blister!" | p. 48 |
| | Those are just growing pains!" | p. 49 |
| | "Look Both Ways Before You Cross the Street!" (Grievous Bodily Harm) | |
| | "Never run with scissors!" | p. 53 |
| | "Don't play with plastic bags-you'll suffocate!" | p. 54 |
| | "Stand in the middle of the escalator or you might get sucked under!" | p. 56 |
| | "Don't talk to strangers!" | p. 57 |
| | "Don't drop a coin from here-it'll fall so fast someone could get hurt!" | p. 60 |
| | "Watch out for those kiddie drugs that 'pushers' give out near schools!" | p. 61 |
| | "If you crack your knuckles, you'll get arthritis!" | p. 63 |
| | "Always wear a helmet when you ride a bike!" | p. 64 |
| | "Never play around refrigerators-you'll get trapped inside!" | p. 66 |
| | "You're too young to lift weights. If II stunt your growth!" | p. 67 |
| | "You Don't Know Where That's Been!" (Things Not to Put in Your Mouth) | |
| | "Don't eat your boogers, ifs bad for you!" | p. 71 |
| | "If you swallow watermelon seeds, they'll grow in your stomach!" | p. 72 |
| | Those silica gel packets in pill bottles are poisonous!" | p. 73 |
| | "Swallowed gum sits in your stomach undigested for seven years!" | p. 75 |
| | "Don't suck helium out of those balloons, it kills brain cells!" | p. 77 |
| | "Apple seeds are poisonous!" | p. 79 |
| | Thumb sucking is bad for you!" | p. 80 |
| | "You'll Eat It and You'll Like It!" (Mealtime Misinformation) | |
| | "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" | p. 85 |
| | "Ifs okay, just pick it up and eat it. Five-second rule!" | p. 87 |
| | "Eat everything on your plate, there are children starving in Africa!" | p. 88 |
| | "Eat your crusts, that's where the vitamins are!" | p. 90 |
| | "No snacks, you'll ruin your dinner!" | p. 91 |
| | "Dinner is not a race! Chew each bite thirty times!" | p. 92 |
| | "No double-dipping, you'll spread germs!" | p. 94 |
| | "Stay out of the cookie dough, you'll get worms!" | p. 95 |
| | "Stop opening the door and peeking in the oven! All the heat goes out!" | p. 97 |
| | "Sugar rots your teeth!" | p. 98 |
| | "Finish Your Milk!" (And Other Drinking Problems) | |
| | "You need eight glasses of water every day!" | p. 103 |
| | "No soda! The sugar always makes you hyper!" | p. 105 |
| | "Coffee will stunt your growth!" | p. 106 |
| | "ItÆs too hot for milk, if II curdle in your stomach!" | p. 107 |
| | "Quit shaking your pop cans, you'll make a mess!" | p. 108 |
| | "Don't chew your ice, ifs bad for your teeth!" | p. 110 |
| | "I Told You to Go Before We Left the House!" (Bathroom Badgering) | |
| | "Put down the lid before you flush! You're spreading bacteria everywhere!" | p. 115 |
| | "Wash your hands after you use the bathroom!" | p. 117 |
| | "Light a match in there, it'll get rid of the smell!" | p. 118 |
| | "Give your teeth a good hard brushing!" | p. 120 |
| | "Don't swallow your toothpaste, it's bad for you!" | p. 122 |
| | "Make sure you shampoo every day!" | p. 123 |
| | "Pee on your athlete's foot in the shower!" | p. 125 |
| | "Your Face Will Freeze Like That!" (Looks and Grooming) | |
| | "Yuck, get a Q-tip and clean out your ears!" | p. 129 |
| | "Brush your hair one hundred times every night before bed!" | p. 131 |
| | "If you pick your nose, it gets bigger!" | p. 132 |
| | "Wear your retainer or your teeth will get crooked again!" | p. 133 |
| | "If you keep wearing lip balm, your lips get 'addicted' to it!" | p. 135 |
| | "You're not fat. You're just big-boned!" | p. 136 |
| | "Wash behind your ears! You could grow potatoes back there!" | p. 138 |
| | "It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Loses an Eye!" (Vision and Supervision) | |
| | "Don't cross your eyes or they'll stay like that!" | p. 141 |
| | "Don't wear someone else's glasses-ifs bad for your eyes!" | p. 142 |
| | "Finish your carrots, they're good for your eyesight!" | p. 143 |
| | "Never sneeze with your eyes open-your eyeballs will pop out!" | p. 145 |
| | "Ifs too dark to read in here, you'll hurt your eyes!" | p. 147 |
| | "You're sitting too close to the TV!" | p. 149 |
| | "Don't look in the microwave while ifs running!" | p. 150 |
| | "Don't look at the sun, you'll go blind!" | p. 152 |
| | "You'll shoot your eye out!" | p. 154 |
| | "Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite!" '(The Science of Sleep) | |
| | "Don't eat that right before bed, you'll have bad dreams!" | p. 159 |
| | "You're yawning, must be bedtime!" | p. 161 |
| | "Early to bed, early to rise!" | p. 163 |
| | "Never wake a sleepwalker!" | p. 165 |
| | ôThis Room Is a Pigsty!" (Kids and Other Animals) | |
| | "Don't touch ifs wings, or the butterfly will die!" | p. 169 |
| | "Don't pick up that dirty feather!" | p. 170 |
| | "Don't feed the dog chocolate!" | p. 171 |
| | "Don't give those bones to the dog!" | p. 172 |
| | "If you touch that baby bird, its mommy will abandon it!" | p. 173 |
| | "Don't feed the ducks!" | p. 174 |
| | "ItÆs against the law to kill a praying mantis!" | p. 176 |
| | "Quit Eating the Paste!" (School Days) | |
| | "Sit up straight, ifs good for your back!" | p. 179 |
| | "Don't sniff the Magic Markers!" | p. 180 |
| | "This will go down on your permanent record!" | p. 182 |
| | 'Your first answer is usually the right one!" | p. 184 |
| | "Chew on your pencil and you'll get lead poisoning!" | p. 185 |
| | "Just ignore bullies and they'll leave you alone!" | p. 186 |
| | "Don't draw on your skin, you'll get blood poisoning!" | p. 188 |
| | "Kids These Days!" (Technology and Modern Life) | |
| | "Keep the fork out of the toaster or you'll get zapped!" | p. 193 |
| | "Don't yank the plug out of the wall like that!" | p. 194 |
| | "Start saving now and compound interest will make you rich!" | p. 195 |
| | "Don't flick the light switches off and on, it wastes money!" | p. 198" |
| | "Don't mix different types of batteries!" | p. 199 |
| | "Never run the microwave empty!" | p. 201 |
| | "Keep your arms inside the car, thatÆs dangerous!" | p. 202 |
| | "Well, Life Isn't Fair!" (The Motivational Mom) | |
| | "You are a special little snowflake!" | p. 207 |
| | "We only use 10 percent of our brains, you know!" | p. 208 |
| | "These are the best years of your life-enjoy them!" | p. 210 |
| | "It's okay, even Einstein flunked math!" | p. 211 |
| | "Your name just makes you more special!" | p. 213 |
| | "If you're mad, just go let off some steam!" | p. 214 |
| | "What If Your Friends All Jumped off a Cliff?" (The Awkward Age) | |
| | "If you shave there, if II just grow in thicker!" | p. 219 |
| | "Chocolate's making your skin break out!" | p. 220 |
| | "If you pick your zits, you'll get a brain infection and die!" | p. 222 |
| | "You can't use tampons. You're a virgin!" | p. 223 |
| | "If you keep touching it, you'll get hairy palms and go blind!" | p. 225 |
| | "If you sleep on your stomach, you'll be flat-chested!" | p. 226 |
| | "Alcohol kills brain cells!" | p. 227 |
| | Acknowledgments | p. 231 |
| | Index | p. 233 |