| | Preface | p. 1 |
| | What You Say About His Company Is What You Say About Society | p. 9 |
| | Another Thing That Interests Me About the Eagles Is That I [Am Contractually Obligated to] Hate Them | p. 23 |
| | Villains Who Are Not Villains | p. 39 |
| | Easier Than Typing | p. 59 |
| | Human Clay | p. 77 |
| | Without a Gun They Can't Get None | p. 89 |
| | Arrested for Smoking | p. 107 |
| | Electric Funeral | p. 131 |
| | "I Am Perplexed" [This Is Why, This Is Why, This Is Why They Hate You] | p. 149 |
| | Crime and Punishment (or the Lack Thereof) | p. 165 |
| | Hider Is in the Book | p. 183 |
| | The Problem of Overrated Ideas | p. 195 |
| | Acknowledgments | p. 201 |
| | Index | p. 2030 |