Table of Contents
   Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claimp. 1
   Shakespeare Was No Dummyp. 6
   I Love You, Manp. 9
   Motherhood Has No Expiration Datep. 13
   Ode to Vance Packardp. 16
   Cushyp. 19
   Field Guide to the American Malep. 22
   Boxers or Briefsp. 25
   Ticklep. 28
   iBurglarsp. 31
   Homebodiesp. 34
   Once Upon a Timep. 37
   Moving Onp. 40
   Advertise Herep. 43
   Insecurity Clearancep. 46
   Fawningp. 49
   Starry Starry Nightp. 53
   The Many Homes of Mother Maryp. 56
   Happy Birthdayp. 61
   Aftershockedp. 65
   Stroke, Stroke, Bail, Bailp. 69
   The Facts of Lifep. 73
   Southern Exposurep. 76
   Wag the Technologyp. 79
   Kicking Tuchesp. 82
   Labor Dayp. 87
   I Stink, Officiallyp. 91
   You're So Vain, This Is About Youp. 94
   Shortcut Sallyp. 100
   Doggie Universep. 103
   Unspecial Deliveryp. 106
   There Was a Little Girl, Who Had a Little Curlp. 111
   Final Curtainp. 114
   Emotional Baggagep. 117
   Willpower and Won'tpowerp. 121
   Hairy and Crazyp. 124
   Very Personal Shopperp. 127
   9/11, Ten Years Laterp. 130
   Gateway Paintp. 135
   Gateway Browniep. 138
   Bittersweetp. 143
   Plan Cp. 146
   Snow Jobp. 150
   Lisa Hits the Eggnogp. 153
   You Can Never Buy a Gift for a Motherp. 156
   And Many Happy Returnsp. 159
   Controlled Freaksp. 162
   Dating at the Speed Limit, or the Bad Newsp. 165
   Skype Appealp. 169
   Dating at the Speed Limit, or the Good Newsp. 173
   Girl with a Pearl Earringp. 176
   Magic Mushroomsp. 179
   Mythical Beastiep. 184
   Blizzard of Ozp. 187
   Mother Mary and the MRIp. 190
   Grandmother Whispererp. 193
   Feet Don't Fail Me Nowp. 197
   Slip Sliding Awayp. 201
   In Which Spunky Teaches Me About Mother Maryp. 205
   Subtextp. 208
   In-box of Lettersp. 212
   Spoiledp. 216
   To Everything, There Is a Seasonp. 220
   Hang-Upsp. 223
   Nobody's Passengerp. 227
   All We Have to Do Is Take This Lie and Make It Truep. 231
   Called to Orderp. 235
   I Am Mother Maryp. 239
   Get Well, or Elsep. 243
   Gadget Girlp. 246
   Jazz Handsp. 251
   An Open Letter from an Open Heartp. 254
   Acknowledgmentsp. 261