Table of Contents
   Introduction-or: I Try To Be Goodp. 1
      Call Me Puffinp. 17
      Caffeine-Lifeblood of the Twenty-first Centuryp. 20
      Celebrity Watch Special: Michael Jackson's Memorialp. 23
      I Am Caitlin Moran, and I Was a Skunk Addictp. 30
      I Am Late to Interview the Prime Ministerp. 34
      What I Learned up a Mountain This Summerp. 37
      I Am a Dwarf Called "Scottbaio"p. 41
      I Do a Lot for Charity, but I Would Never Mention Itp. 47
      Ghostbusters Is the Greatest Film of All Time. Please Do Not Argue with Me.p. 50
      Keith-Noddy Holder Says You Wear a Wigp. 54
      Sherlock Review 1: Like a Jaguar in a Cellop. 69
      Sherlock Review 2: The Frumious Cumberbatchp. 72
      Hello. You Look Wonderful.p. 76
      First Time Ever I Saw Your Facep. 81
      The Gay Moon Landingsp. 84
      We Only Had Two Transsexuals in Wolverhamptonp. 87
      Come Party With Gagap. 90
      MTV Hoesp. 106
      Burqas: Are the Men Doing It?p. 109
      This Cape Makes Me Look Like Wizbitp. 112
      We Need Quotas, Ladies. Or We Will Be Lonely Pelicans.p. 115
      I Would Like Some Chivalry, Please, Dudep. 118
      Don't Feed the Trollp. 122
      On the Set of Doctor Whop. 125
      This is Not a Giftp. 134
      All the Ways I've Ruined Your Lifep. 139
      I Refuse to Make You Goody Bags. Leave Before I Summon a Policeman.p. 142
      I Hate Charlie and Lolap. 145
      The Horror of Daddy's Special Lemonadep. 148
      In Defense of Binge Drinkingp. 151
      Aberystwyth: The Only Place I Stop Wantingp. 154
      Libraries: Cathedrals of Our Soulsp. 159
      Unlike Most of the Coalition, I Was Raised on Benefitsp. 162
      I Know What It's Like to be Poor. They Took Away the TV, and We Cried.p. 165
      I Love a Protestor. You Don't Need Answers-Just Questions.p. 168
      Downton Abbey Review 1: Lady Mary's Haunted Vaginap. 171
      Downton Abbey Review 2: "SEX WILL BE HAD! SEX WILL BE HAD!"p. 176
      Summer Is an Emergencyp. 180
      Time Travel in the Same Four Placesp. 183
      My French Dressp. 189
      Sherlock Review 3: As Good as Television Getsp. 192
      I Wish to Copyright My Hairp. 196
      Chicks with Big Hair Are My Chicksp. 199
      The Best Royal Wedding Everp. 202
      My Day with Paul McCartney. From the Beatles.p. 213
      Celebrity Weight-Loss: The Truthp. 224
      Elizabeth Taylor: Heavy, Like Wet Rosesp. 227
      Winehouse-Jump on Your Voice, Like a Lion, and Run Awayp. 229
      My Tragically Early Deathp. 232
   Acknowledgmentsp. 235