Table of Contents
   1980: Ancient History
      Prologuep. 3
      Januaryp. 4
         Why I Always Wanted to Be a Clonep. 16
      Februaryp. 18
         Miss Letitia Thing's Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior Concerning Tricks, One-Night (or Afternoon) Stands, and the Like, with a Special Appendix on Relationshipsp. 29
      Marchp. 32
         Boyfriends: Pros and Consp. 44
      Aprilp. 46
         How to Get Eighty-Sixed from the Restaurant or Cocktail Lounge of Your Choicep. 55
      Mayp. 56
         Cocktails from Hellp. 64
      Junep. 65
         How to Get Rid of the Trick Who Won't Leavep. 73
      Julyp. 74
         Helpful Hints for Alfresco Sexp. 86
      Augustp. 88
         Some Queensp. 96
      Septemberp. 98
         A History of Insanity on Both Sides of the Family, or Why I Have Always Been Attracted to the Mentally Illp. 110
      Octoberp. 112
         How to Tell When Your Relationship Is on the Rocksp. 124
      Novemberp. 125
         What to Do on Your Annual Holiday Visit When Your Family Disapproves of Your Sexual Preference or Orientation...p. 143
      Decemberp. 145
   1986: Learning How to Cry
      Prologuep. 151
      Januaryp. 153
         Some Symptomsp. 162
      Februaryp. 164
         After I Was Muggedp. 183
      Marchp. 184
         Some of the People I Distrustp. 190
      Aprilp. 192
         6:12 P.M.p. 209
      Mayp. 211
         Safe Sex in the Age of Anxietyp. 223
      Junep. 225
         How to Stay Celibate in the Age of Anxietyp. 238
      Julyp. 240
         Egg Paranoiap. 251
      Augustp. 254
         Everythingp. 265
      Septemberp. 266
         Sensitivity Exercises for Deathp. 275
      Octoberp. 276
         When I Criedp. 294
      Novemberp. 296
         The Last Time I Saw Himp. 320
      Decemberp. 321
   Epiloguep. 325