| | Adoption Through the Eyes of a Child | p. 1 |
| | Hidden Losses | p. 3 |
| | Entering Your Child's World | p. 13 |
| | Twenty Things Your Adopted Child Wants You to Know | p. 23 |
| | "I Suffered a Profound Loss Before I Was Adopted. You Are Not Responsible." | p. 25 |
| | "I Need to Be Taught That I Have Special Needs Arising From Adoption Loss, of Which I Need Not Be Ashamed." | p. 33 |
| | "If I Don't Grieve My Loss, My Ability to Receive Love From You and Others Will Be Hindered." | p. 43 |
| | "My Unresolved Grief May Surface in Anger Toward You." | p. 60 |
| | "I Need Your Help in Grieving My Loss. Teach Me How to Get in Touch With My Feelings About My Adoption and Then Validate Them." | p. 73 |
| | "Just Because I Don't Talk About My Birth Family Doesn't Mean I Don't Think About Them." | p. 85 |
| | "I Want You to Take the Initiative in Opening Conversations About My Birth Family." | p. 96 |
| | "I Need to Know the Truth About My Conception, Birth, and Family History, No Matter How Painful the Details May Be." | p. 107 |
| | "I Am Afraid I Was 'Given Away' by My Birth Mother Because I Was a Bad Baby. I Need You to Help Me Dump My Toxic Shame." | p. 116 |
| | "I Am Afraid You Will Abandon Me." | p. 124 |
| | "I May Appear More 'Whole' Than I Actually Am. I Need Your Help to Uncover the Parts of Myself That I Keep Hidden So I Can Integrate All the Elements of My Identity." | p. 131 |
| | "I Need to Gain a Sense of Personal Power." | p. 138 |
| | "Please Don't Say I Look or Act Just Like You. I Need You to Acknowledge and Celebrate Our Differences." | p. 144 |
| | "Let Me Be My Own Person . . . But Don't Let Me Cut Myself Off From You." | p. 155 |
| | "Please Respect My Privacy Regarding My Adoption. Don't Tell Other People Without My Consent." | p. 162 |
| | "Birthdays May Be Difficult for Me." | p. 169 |
| | "Not Knowing My Full Medical History Can Be Distressing at Times." | p. 179 |
| | "I Am Afraid I Will Be Too Much for You to Handle." | p. 186 |
| | "When I Act Out My Fears in Obnoxious Ways, Please Hang in There With Me, and Respond Wisely." | p. 193 |
| | "Even If I Decide to Search for My Birth Family, I Will Always Want You to Be My Parents." | p. 200 |
| | Appendix | |
| | Organizations | p. 213 |
| | Support Groups | p. 215 |
| | Recommended Reading | p. 216 |
| | Audio and Video Tapes | p. 218 |
| | Bibliography | p. 219 |